Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
