so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
