dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
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bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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