Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
