I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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