i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
