My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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