dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
