Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
as a side note pls kill me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize