would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
