friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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