You're so nebulous sometimes
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
