he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
