He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
