the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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