I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
