Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
