Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
