I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
