Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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