my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
