Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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