So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
