Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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