It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
