And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
