I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
