Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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