You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
