she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
