I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
