I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
