The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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