Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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