maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
