I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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