I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
