Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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