no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
