i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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