dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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