Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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