I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
