I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
