oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
