I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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