just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
