She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
