It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
