I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
