you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
