He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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