Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
