More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
