Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
