I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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