...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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