i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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