Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
