So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
