They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
