a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
