Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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