I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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