She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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