I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
