I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
