He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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