Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
