3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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