sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
