Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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