I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
